Rampage of the Guar Lover
by Amarth9284
Summary: Some unknown person has been sexually assaulting the guar. Vivec and the gang have been asked to solve who the Guar Lover is.


Rampage of the Guar Lover 

Somewhere south of Gnisis, a woman with her herd of guar were traveling south to Hla Oad. The woman stopped her guar and decided to let them graze for an hour or two. She leaned back against a rock and took a nap. Only a few minutes later, she heard a guar wailing behind a tree. She quickly ran to protect her herd when she saw a masked man run off through some trees. The woman looked down at her collapsed Guar and examined it's sleeping body "What the **** is this white stuff?" She paused and then realized what it was "Someone raped by Guar!"  
  
Suddenly, the group, consisting of Vivec, Almalexia, Sotha Sil, and Nerevar appeared. Vivec stepped forward "I heard the word rape, is something wrong?" The woman stamped her foot on the ground in frustration "Someone raped my favorite guar!" Vivec fell over in shock "Wha?" The woman nodded "We got a wakko around here and he's making love with my guar." Almalexia stepped forward and helped Vivec up as she asked "Is this the first time this has happened?" The woman shook her head "No, I heard some sounds outside a few days ago, but I didn't think it meant anything." Sotha Sil, lets just find this wierdo and get give him to the guards. Nerevar shook his head "I can't believe I'm getting myself into something else so stupid."  
  
The group decided to wait till nightfall to set their trap. The group sat together and thought up a plan, one of the guys was going to wear a suit that made them look like a guar. When the perpetrator tries to rape the decoy, they will attack and capture the guar lover. The guys drew straws: Vivec, Sotha Sil, Nerevar, and Fargoth. Sotha Sil then asked the group "Why doesn't Almalexia have to take the chance of being the decoy?" Almalexia laughed "Because I'm a woman, and men should always treat ladies with kindness." The guys paused and looked at their straws. Vivec sighed in relief to find he had the long straw. Nerevar exhaled deeply as he saw that his straw he didn't draw the short straw. Sotha Sil smiled "I got the long one!" Fargoth twitched "I, uh…got the short one." Sotha Sil laughed "Okay, get the suit on." Fargoth put on the suit and stood by a group of bushes. The others hid behind a rock as they waited for the guar lover to appear. A few minutes later, Sotha Sil, Nerevar, Vivec, and Almalexia was playing poker when they heard a scream "He's buttering my bread guys, he's buttering my bread!" Vivec jumped up and threw his cards down "The Perp!" Sotha Sil looked at Vivec's cards "****, should have played my hand." The group converged to find a masked Wood Elf humping the disquised Fargoth. Fargoth shrieked "Get him out of me!" Almalexia blushed "Uh, I'm not touching that." Vivec stepped back "No way man, you do it Sil. Sotha Sil pointed at Nerevar "I nominate you man." Nerevar pulled out a wooden staff and busted it over the masked wood elf's head. Sotha Sil got the elf in a head lock and grabbed the bottom of the mask "Oh-oh, I've always wanted to do this! And the Perp is…Mr. Hide White!" Nerevar dropped his broken staff "Pull the mask off you ****ing idiot!" Sotha Sil paused "Oh, yeah." Sotha Sil pulled of the mask to reveal Gaenor. Fargoth stood up rubbing his violated butt "I got butt raped by my cousin?" Almalexia blushed again "Your cousin?" Gaenor cringed "Oh man, that's just sick!" Fargoth and Gaenor proceeded to throw up a few times. Fargoth rubbed his butt again "Oh man, I won't be able to sit down for a week." Almalexia rubbed his shoulders "I've got the perfect remedy for that my little snooky." Fargoth smiled "Cure my Nurse Almalexia!" Vivec sighed "How is it that we get into these weird situations?" Sotha Sil answered "The demonic mind of the writer?" Vivec nodded "That's my best bet."  
  
And so they left with a small reward of 50 drakes. They decided to throw a keg party to celebrate their second mystery solved, but that is another story.  
  
On the Next episode of Morrowind all ****ed up! Vivec and the gang throw a Keg party and everyone gets drunk off their ***es. Expect the ladies from the House of Earthly Delights and Almalexia to "entertain".  
  
Fargoth: Oh yeah!  
  
The end.   



End file.
